A Simple Robbery
by TripWire- dono
Summary: Is a robbery really that simple? Ganjuu goes through the pain of re-instructing Hanatarou on what to do in their burglary. Will they manage to finally get their prized item? or will Hanatarou's incompetence proove to be a hindrace? TripWire- dono again...


**Why am I typing this when I should be studying? I must be really stupid to override studying with this piece of crap. But I keep having the urges to type my fics. I'm also writing another trilogy that's completely original, using my OC Katsuya and Yura. The story is based around a coup de tat. It won't be forever until I release it.**

**I'm still going strong with the revolution trilogy! Stick out for me and review.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach… must I keep reminding myself?**

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**A Simple Robbery**

The night cloaked town in darkness. Its fingers spread to each and every corner and smothered it with its suffocating blackness. Anything that can receive light can be touched and invaded by night. The heavy air stung of tension and the blistering cold of the breath of winter. Anything that drew air was quietly tucked away in their slumber, blissfully unaware of the awakening of the creatures of the night.

There was no snow, no rain, no wind, and no movement.

The tree's whispered to each other in what we would call the 'Witching Hour', their limbs unmoving and still, much too still. But their position and shape contorted by the shadows looked oddly human like. The rocks began to move and roll ever so slightly towards each other, as if huddling together to keep warm. The grass, moist and slender, stood like tall green soldiers anticipating their first battle, ready and at attention.

But there was movement. Just a flick, but it was there.

Two figures moved silently across the deserted streets and passed the broken street lamps. They weren't bothered by the eerie tension of the night but more like fixed on one thing. Their speed and agility as they brushed past the walls of buildings like ghost.

They halted by a particular house. More like a boringly shaped barrack. Its wide rectangular gate gave off the air of a prison or a dungeon, ready to swallow them whole and into its promised misery.

The sign on the front said:

'_7__th__ Division Barracks'_

The first figure was undeterred by the threatening wideness. The second figure cringed behind and gaped at the size and distance of their destination.

They darted through the gate and up to the first window. Where were the guards tonight?

**"**Right, I know this is your first robbery, Hanatarou, so stick by me at all times. Now, the first thing to remember is fingerprints" the first masked figure spoke.

**"**That's all right; I've bought them, Ganjuu!" Hanatarou, the revealed second responded to his leader.

**"**No, I mean don't leave any! There's a computer in the 12th Division with everybody's fingerprints on it"

**"**I'm all right, I haven't touched it!"

**"**No, they're on the memory!"

**"**Do you want me to nick it?"

**"**Shush" Ganjuu raised his finger to his covered lips. He was slightly agitated "And that's not all. The 12th division _shinigami's_ can identify you from one strand of hair. Your DNA is unique!"

**"**Oh, thank you!" Hanatarou thought he had just been praised. Nobody ever said he was special or anything like that. He felt warm and comforted that his friend Ganjuu was the only person who thought he wasn't a nobody.

Ganjuu wanted to slap the boy.

**"**So, keep your hat on at all times"

**"**What if a lady enters the room?" Hanatarou looked nudged him in the ribs.

**"**Stop asking ridiculous questions! Now, what's the number one rule?"

**"**Don't"

**"**Don't what?"

**"**Don't have a number one; hold it until the deed is done!"

Since when did Ganjuu ever explained the idea of holding your bladder as part of the rule! This 4th division ninny was someone you would NEVER want to tag along on something important. The minute he though he would get an important job, he was as happy as a hummingbird. The miracle must've bloated his esteem and inflated his head.

**"**No! The number one rule is, 'be really quiet and do everything I do'"

Hanatarou nodded in understanding. And then his eyes turned big.

'_What now?'_ Ganjuu mentally groaned.

**"**What if you start shouting?"

**"**What do you mean?"

**"**Well do I keep really quiet, or do what you do?"

**"**But I won't shout!"

**"**What if you stand on a nail?" Hanatarou tugged the older man's arm furiously.

**"**I'll be really careful! Now, when I open this window, the security alarm will go off. I want you to disable it. How do you think you'll do that?"

Ganjuu hoped he remembered this, otherwise, they're screwed.

**"**I'll keep on guessing the security code until the noisy bell stops ringing!"

They're screwed.

"No, you'll use this" Ganjuu held up a large key. It didn't look like a key from the human world. It looked more like a carved jigsaw piece of wood attached to a taut string. "It's a key for the alarm. I copied it" **(A/N: It was in the saving Rukia Arc, the key for her cell) **

**"**Why didn't you just copy the front door key? Then we wouldn't have to go through the window!"

Ganjuu paused in frustration. He was so going to beat up the wimpy boy later.

**"**Don't get smart. Now, say there's the dog, Komamura _taichou's_ pet dog, uhh... I forgot its name. What do we do?"

**"**NICK IT!"

Ganjuu got angry again

"No, we use this" He held up a large slab of dripping red steak "It's dipped in tranquilizer"

**"**Won't it make me drowsy?" Hanatarou poked the dangling meat and pulled a face, thinking how eating that possibly could protect him from the giant Great Dane known as the 7th captain's pet.

**"**IT'S FOR THE DOG! Now, how do you think you'll open the safe?"

**"**Uh... a really big hammer!"

**"**No, a combination!"

**"**A combination of kicking it and a really big hammer!

**"**No, a combination number! Now, I found out the number for the safe. It's behind a picture, on the wall. So, I find the picture, and you find...

**"**The wall!"

This was insane! How did he agree to let this loser tag with him!

**"**NO, THE SAFE! Right. In we go!"

**"**NO! WAIT!"

**"**What is it?" Ganjuu was halfway in the window

**"**I can't do this! I'm too nervous!"

**"**You'll be fine!"

**"**No I won't! I think I've just broken "the number one rule!"

The smell of urine wafted to the Shiba's nose.

He pissed his pants. He couldn't believe it. He pissed his pants. Just now. He pissed his pants. Of all the time in the world. He chose his moments to piss it pants.

"HALT! Who goes there?"

"Fuck!"

"Do I say 'fuck' too?"

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**And I decide to leave it their… Thank you for sticking with me and reading my unusually weird one shot. I have a maths test on Monday, about trigonometry, parabolas and deductive geometry. I was so bored instead of studying; I looked up their Japanese translation. And I forgot them. Wasn't that a waste of time?**

**Anyway, do you think I made Hanatarou too stupid? I think I got Ganjuu right. Even though I haven't seen him in a long time.**

**Wish me luck!**

**TripWire- dono **


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